Those of you in the know would’ve heard me yabbering about “The Plan” for a while now, like for about 3 months or something. It’s totally cool and I’ve been wanting to tell everyone about it but the time never felt right. I mean, it’s kind of embarassing what with me being such a manly man and all, but I’ve spent too long in the closet on this one so it’s time to let the pony cat out of the bag and let you all in on my big secret. But it’s like totally wicked cool and I know all of you out there are like the most awesome guys ever so here it goes.
That’s right, I’m a pony tamer.
Maybe its the country boy in me but I’ve always had a soft spot for our diminutive horse wannabes. I mean check this guy out, all cool and stuff with his flowing mane, riding through a field of little yellow flowers. I’d love to like brush him for hours on end and we’d talk about girls and rainbows and stickers. He’d totally understand me to because we’re like, kindred spirits or something. Then I would try to ride him and he’d probably fall over because ponies aren’t meant for riding, but I’d still try anyway.
I started my pony tamer training back in December when I became fed up with my day job as an IT contractor and found myself longing for the untamed freedom that being a pony tamer brings you. I found myself a local club to join and instantly made like 100 friends. They were mean to me at first because I didn’t have a MySpace account but I think we got over that after I told them how much I loved ponies and we traded some scrunchies.
Some people tell me that you can’t be a pony tamer because ponies are already tame. Well think again, I mean just look at how wild these guys get:
You wouldn’t believe how long it took me to get SnickerDoodle and Pumpkin Eyes out of that bail of hay, they were totally into eating it. I was telling them over and over “You can’t have all the hay, the other ponies need hay to.” and then I said that they’d get fat and one of them kicked me. It didn’t hurt though and I know Snicker Doodle didn’t mean it, but I still had to cry it out in the corn field before going back and apologizing.
So there you have it guys, the big secret revealed. I’m happy to answer any questions you might have about ponies, pony taming or anything else. Boy does it feel good to get that load off my chest.
Now where did I put my brush set, Pumpkin eyes will be getting restless right about now.